My Soon to be Published Erotic Novel

My Soon to be Published Erotic Novel

What follows is my recent submission letter to Harlequin books, and a brief excerpt from my erotic thriller "Sexy Book". I have not heard back from them yet, but I can only assume the best.



Dear sir or madam,

I do not consider myself a writer of erotic novels but I figured I should take a stab at it. That is not a pun, but I understand why you may think it is. Really, we're both at fault here.

Please find enclosed the first few pages of my newly penned erotic novel, “Sexy Book”. I have captured a close approximation of the sex act - an approximation I believe will resonate with your readers.

Lady or Gentleman, I give you... my soul.


It was a dark and stormy night, but that didn't matter because the introductory scene of my story takes place indoors (in a bar). It's a nice bar, with real wine glasses and cloth napkins, but I'm going to say it's nondescript so I can jump ahead.

There was a guy there. He was sitting at the far end of the bar because he liked to be close to the jukebox and the bathroom. Then this girl enters the same bar, but at the opposite end of the room from the jukebox and the bathroom. She caught his attention with the way that she entered. She had washed her hair recently, and looked pretty good at the time. Summoning his courage, the guy approached the girl and politely introduced himself before offering to buy her a drink of her choosing.

“Anything at all” were his exact words, and he meant them.

She accepted his offer and ordered a large milk, so that she could enjoy her conversation with this friendly stranger sober. He ordered a water, for exactly the same reason. Neither stated this line of reasoning aloud, but both arrived at the same conclusion. I believe this means they made an “inference” but I don't have a dictionary on hand so please do not hold me to that.

Anyway I guess the two went back to his place, or maybe hers if it was closer and they didn't feel like taking a cab. They made out for awhile and they consented verbally to sexual intercourse at exactly the same time. Full penetration was achieved after a second instance of mutual consent from the parties concerned.

NOTE: I feel it's important to mention here that the making out continued throughout the duration of the sex acts/reproductive arts. Normally you would think it would abate over the term of the “event”, but this was not the case, due to the romance.

They finished up after a sum total twenty-three minutes of lovemaking. They collapsed over each other, falling back onto the pillows that lay about the bed like some kind of bed in an Egyptian palace. They both agreed that it was a respectable amount of time and that they were mutually satisfied.

“Phew” he said, “gosh but I sure am tired out from that sex.”

“I as well” she replied, rather saucily.

He inhaled a large amount of air and then exhaled the same amount. “I am drained of electrolytes. I can feel them missing.”

She said nothing, busy lighting a cigarette and being unconcerned for her health. Such was her frenzy.

“Do you have any gatorade?”

“Oh. No, I don't.”

“That's too bad.”

“Is that a problem?” She would have sounded angry, had she not sounded so aroused (as I have established they both were).

“No, no it's fine.”

“Because I can go to the 7/11.” She was already rising. “It's just around the corner."

“Seriously, it's fine. I was only asking.”

“I'm already up.” She knew he was lying. “I don't mind.”

She continued to amaze him. Could she see that he was missing electrolytes? He tried to produce some discretely while she wasn't looking.

“I said it's fine.”

The ruse worked. She sighed and climbed back into bed, draping an impossibly light arm across his chest. They were young and in love, and life was beautiful.


Thank you for your time and consideration,

Piers Rae


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One comment on “My Soon to be Published Erotic Novel

  • Wow, this piece of writing is pleasant, my sister is analyzing these kinds of things,
    therefore I am going to inform her.

  • Lay down some thought-rhymes